Flashback: Why I Love Pool

Every once in a while, I'm going to post flashbacks from the bizarre life of Melinda. 1.) Because these stories are too funny/interesting/absurd not to be shared. 2.) Because I love to brag. 3.) Because, as I face what may be the last years of my life, I'd rather these stories not die with me. To those who remember the events behind these flashbacks or are privy to the unedited versions: I ask that you not reveal private information that would embarass an innocent third party. Feel free to embarass me. So, here's the first Official Cult of Melinda Flashback.

Picture it. New Orleans. August 2005. Pre-Katrina. I decide to go out with a friend to meet her new squeeze and we end up at a gay bar in the historic French Quarter. Suddenly, three women walk in the door. One of them is, without question, my perfect woman. I'm all aflutter! My friend, Lynn, insists that she's "with" one of the other women, so I pout and return to my diet coke.

Moments later, the perfect woman (who is NOT "with" the other woman) approaches and asks if anyone wants to play pool. I find out in quick order (since I obviously said 'yes') that her name's Sermin and she's from Turkey.

"We do not play this game in my country," she says. "What do I do?"

In my best butch "Let me help you there, little lady" tone of voice, I explain the basics of pool. First game: she wipes the table with me. Second game: she wipes the table with me AGAIN! Apparently, they don't play American pool in Turkey, but they do play a similar and much more difficult version of billiards. I've been had...not that I'm complaining.

Of course, what she doesn't know is: I've been playing pool since I was 12. I can play right-handed and left-handed. I've beaten some exceptionally good New York City pool sharps. I'm playing without my glasses. And I just need a few games to warm up.

Third game: She decides to make things a little interesting. "If I win," she whispers in my ear, "you go to dinner with me." Hell, yeah! As I begin to turn the tables on the little scammer, she adds "Okay. If I win, you buy dinner. If you win, I buy dinner." Hell, yeah! AGAIN.

Why do I love pool? Because I won this:


Of course, I also let her slip through my fingers. The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat. Ain't life grand?

PHOTO: Stolen from Sermin's Friendster account. Shhhhhhhhhh. Don't tell her. She's not speaking to me as it is.