I Wanna Be Sedated...

A lovely friend of mine is having trouble sleeping, so I thought I'd help by doing what nerds do best: research. So, Stacey, here's some insomnia cures that might work for you.

According to this:

To cure insomnia one should rub their temple with cat fat or eat chicken cooked with milkweed. Another cure for insomnia was to smoke a mixture of black tobacco, toad powder, and honey.

You have cats, so you have the ingredients!

Or maybe this will help:

Soap your head with the ordinary yellow soap; rub it into the roots of the hair until your head is just lather all over, tie it up in a napkin, go to bed, and wash it out in the morning. Do this for a fortnight. Take no tea after 6pm.

Now, we just have to figure out what a fortnight might be. Wouldn't want to overdose. (Yes, I know what it is. It's a joke.)

Someone once told me to tape a red bean on the inside of my wrist, but I never did it. Maybe you should try it. I'd go with Camelia beans. They're the best!

Good luck.