Okay, Here's the Really Freaky Part!

I, Melinda Barton, have an 8 to 5 job where I have to wear freaking "professional office attire!" I take meetings with public officials. I write letters on letterhead. I have business cards! And not ones that say "Melinda: Professional Lesbian." I wear a watch and carry a wallet. I have a key ring with office keys on it. I have life insurance. And long-term disability insurance. And paid vacations. I have a fucking pension plan! I have to do my taxes this weekend and I have to pay AGAIN. My recent X-rays showed wearing on my knee due to AGE! I take like a gazillion pills every day and may have to start taking daily injections. I go to bed at 11... ON THE FREAKING WEEKENDS! I haven't been really drunk or really hung over in years! Almost all of my friends are married or getting married or trying to work up the nerve to get married. Some of them have kids. People call me Ma'am. Grown people! I'm a fricking great aunt! THIS IS NOT FAIR!