The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Flashback: Don't Watch TV with Melinda

The TV/Movie props meme turned out to be more difficult for a couple of the people I tagged than I thought. I'll admit that they came quite easy for me (although the movie one was easier) thanks to my lovely Communications degree and the UNO program's emphasis on TV and film. I even did my undergraduate honors thesis on the representation of alternative lifestyles in post-Stonewall American mainstream cinema. Yes, I'm that kind of movie nerd. (There is funny coming up soon enough, I promise.)

Anyway, I have a duel standard for movies, one for movies that aren't meant to be art and one for movies that are. So, I can enjoy crappy B-movies as much as serious arthouse fare, but for different reasons. The one thing I really can't stand is bad cinematography. No matter what, the camera work damned well better be right.

This leads to why you probably don't want to watch TV or videos with me. I yell at the screen when I see a bad shot. This would be obnoxious enough if it weren't for the fact that this habit pops up at the worst times.

One day long ago, I was watching TV with my sister's boyfriend when we discovered accidentally that my Mom's satellite dish was picking up Playboy. Mom and Sis were out shopping or something, so it was just us "guys". I'm not much of a porn afficionado but it was soft porn with lesbians. Not to mention that ordering my sister's boyfriend to turn off porn would be like ordering a Vulcan to smile. Completely and utterly futile, I'd say.

Anyway, mid semi-hot lesbian group sex scene (only semi because they were doing it wrong), the camera man lost his freaking mind and started doing bad zooms and taking shots of the curtains. Why a cameraman shooting a porn would pull off of attractive naked women to show the crappy tan drapes I'll never know! Not to mention the completely useless closeups of completely insignificant body parts! Oh! And zooming in while shooting rarely works. Maybe in an action flick, but in porn? Please! Where did this guy learn to work a camera? Foto Hut!

Get the picture? That's exactly what my sister's boyfriend had to put up with while trying to enjoy his lesbian porn. The jerk even threatened to kick me out of my own mother's house! Can you believe the nerve of some people? Hmmmph! I can't help it if I have advanced sensibilities.

So, don't watch TV or videos or movies with Melinda. It's not good.


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