The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Avoid High Heels and Piles of Leaves

The Park Bench has "what we've learned from horror classics."

I'd like to add a few more generic lessons from classic and B-movie horror:

1. Do not run in high heels.
2. Avoid piles of leaves.
3. Do not open the door or any door for that matter.
4. Mutated monsters and alien creatures can often be killed with everyday objects, like Sodium Chloride (aka table salt) or aerosol deodorant .
5. Do not scream! That may be the only way the blind alien creature can track you.
6. Do not be a woman or a racial minority. The monsters are getting you first. Even if you survive, the military will shoot you thinking you've been "turned."
7. Bringing your hot girlfriend back to life at a secret military lab is probably not a good idea.
8. Apparently, random teenagers have access to secret military/government installations.
9. Frankenstein was really good in bed.
10. Sex with hot alien chicks is not all it's cracked up to be.

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