The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Flashback: Because I Miss Her...

This tale is about the Red Queen, also known as my first college roommate. I was already a sophomore when I moved into the dorm to save cash and travel time. But one thing worried me. How would my assigned roommate handle (insert scary music) Teh Gay?

In light of the fact that some people wouldn't handle Teh Gay very well, I decided to pick up my keys and hopefully, meet the roommate before I moved in. I showed up early in the morning on move-in day and ran up to my room, thinking I would've beaten the roommate there. So, when I walked into room 428 and found a stunning blonde lying on the bed in a velvet gown reading, I got a bit gobsmacked and thought for sure I'd entered the wrong room. I started apologizing for my intrusion before walking out when I realized I'd opened the locked door with a key. Doh! This was my room and the stunning blonde was my new roommate.

I had a moment of "Oh Happy Day! Thank you, Lord! I've been such a good little lesbian!" before realizing I should probably introduce myself. Babbling all but incoherently, I informed her that I was her roommate and I was a big ol' lesbo and if she had a problem with that, I'd get reassigned. The Red Queen surveyed me in a quite amused fashion, informed me that she was straight but had no problem with Teh Gay, then told me her name. This is when I realize I hadn't quite told her my name yet. Doh! Obviously the name part should've come before the "I'm a big lesbo" right?

Despite this inauspicious beginning, the Red Queen and I became good friends though we soon discovered that a night person and a morning person (with a sleep disorder) probably shouldn't live in the same room. Before that discovery, however, we had lots of great times. My favorite memory is this:

One day the Red Queen told me about a new book on Irish mythology that she was very excited about reading and introduced me to the Sheila na Gig, an Irish fertility symbol placed above temple doors prior to the advent of Catholicism. (Obviously, I'm a bad half-Irish girl if a Polish girl had to introduce me to a famous Irish symbol.) Anyway, this is the Sheila na Gig:

I was in love. I thought it'd be great to put the Sheila na Gig over the door and told the Red Queen of my evil plan. That's when the Red Queen, ever the diplomat, offered a compromise:

RQ: "I'll let you put the Sheila na Gig over the door if I can erect a huge penis in the middle of the room."

Me: "You can erect a penis all you want. I'd just prefer not to be in the room when you do!"

This led to the both of us bursting out laughing as the Red Queen sputtered through explaining that that was so NOT what she meant to say. Ah, good times.

I miss you, RQ. Come back to DC soon.


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