The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Flashback: I'm a Tree!

I haven't done one of these in who knows how long. Can't let the stories die.

Anyway, back in college, I hung with an amazing group of people who, as of this writing, have been my dearest friends for longer than anyone else I've ever known. These people taught me to stop taking myself too seriously, pull the leola root out of my ass and have a little fun. One of our many fun (but not very adult) activities was playing hide-and-go-seek on campus in the vicinity of the courtyard formed by the math, biology, liberal arts and education buildings plus our beloved computer center (click the link for a map and see the corner of Founders Road and Harwood Drive). This location offered many awesome places to hide.

One night, Ducky was it and the rest of us thought it would be really funny to hide together on the third floor of the math building's external stairwell. So, as Ducky counted (in Roman numerals), we headed en masse to our secret hiding place. From this lovely vantage point, we could chat while we watched Ducky try to find us. As the amusement of the situation began to wear off, we decided to travel en masse again to our base (the computer lab) just as Ducky went behind the building in search of his prey. Since we're all a little overdramatic, we decided to do this single file, back to the wall, SWAT style.

As we're sneaking down the stairs in this uber-military fashion, yours truly hears a noise behind her and turns around to give a sub-vocal STFU to whomever had taken up the rear. Unfortunately, our rear guard was a poor Asian guy who'd come out of the building, found a group of people carrying out some sort of covert op and decided to join them lest unspeakable danger catch him unawares.

Fortunately, he spoke SWAT hand signals and I managed to convince him that he could just go ahead and walk down the stairs like a normal person. It took all of my infamous Vulcan-like self control not to break into riotous laughter right then and there. I managed somehow and we all made it to base safe and sound. Then, I lost it. (While at base, I managed to convince some people that my super-mysterious middle name was "white cloud" in Choctaw and that it meant airhead. But that's a whole other story.)

I'm not certain if it was that night or some other night, but the next story has plagued me for years.

Same set up. Hide-and-go-seek. UNO Campus. The Big Kahunah is it. Important background information: I'm a little night blind and wasn't wearing my glasses b/c I was a vain little nerd back then. Anyway, I managed to hide undetected for some time by literally just standing around in the shadows wearing all black. At one point, I just stood up against a tree in the middle of the courtyard. Then I decided to make my way to base. I decide to use the old SWAT maneuver again. So, there I am, back to the wall, using all my fancy footwork as I slink my way towards the base, when I see a vague movement in the darkness. I freeze, back to the wall, arms spread wide. I think, for a moment, that I have gone undetected and congratulate myself for my mad camouflage skills. When suddenly, the booming voice of the Big Kahunah erupts from the darkness: "Melinda, you're standing under a bright light. Do you think that if you pretend you're a tree, I can't see you?" Doh!

So, yes, I'M A TREE!!!!!! And a natural blonde.

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