The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Monday, February 09, 2009

Doctors Suck!

So, life is pretty miserable when you're decrepit. There's all sorts of things you can't do because they screw with your disease or make your hands and feet turn funny colors. Or they give you migraines so bad you could end up throwing up and passing out. I've spent much of my life lately confined to my office or my apartment, especially in the winter months.

Like any good New Orleanian, I have taken comfort in knowing that I could still eat myself some good food. Not too much food. I eat about twice a day and usually don't finish a standard-sized restaurant meal. But good food, especially when Asma from work brings me home-cooked Indian. Apparently, I was enjoying eating too much, so the universe has decided to take it away from me.

I went to the doc today for yet another round of let's find out why Melinda's been in pain for way too fucking long now. My doc was out of town so I saw one of her partners. Anyway...

My HDL cholesterol is too low. My LDL cholesterol and triglycerides are high. My thyroid hormone is suspicious.

Soooooooo, I have to stop eating things that taste good. Wait for the results of more blood tests on my hormones and blood vitamin levels. Quit smoking. (Duh! I've been trying. It's hard without my big hairy Italian cheering section.) Exercise a little more (which is so easy when you're fatigued and in pain and your big hairy Italian cheering section is 1,000 miles away). Go back to taking nasty ass Omega 3 supplements. Pop a daily vitamin. Take an anti-inflammatory twice a day just to see if it works. And go back in a couple of weeks to find out what kind of specialist they'll be sending me to. (Yes, I end sentences with a preposition. Deal with it, grammar bitches.)

But there are good things. Must focus on good things:

1. Pint Size and Ace are kicking ass on the walking thing! (And occasionally, people actually post video of the awesomeness. HINT)
2. There are hints that my upcoming review will be good and my job isn't going anywhere anytime soon. More on that off-blog if you want it.
3. My nephew Anthony turned 17, got his driver's license and is behaving his damned self. He's also shooting handguns in competition and wants to be a cop. He promises he won't run after any criminals, just send his dog after them.
4. My mother might bring my 15-year-old niece up to visit me for the summer.
5. I have an I.O.U. for some awesome sperm if I ever find a receptacle for Melinda 2.0.
6. Elaine Cassidy will be coming to American television on April 9 on CBS.
7. Eliza Dushku will be back on TV in tight leather. YUM!
8. Chuck's back with my imaginary girlfriend.
9. Lucy Lawless kissed a girl and I think she liked it!
10. Clementine Ford has kissed a girl and she definitely liked it!

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