The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Tests Over, Hopefully.

So, the venous doppler wasn't too bad. However, if I'd known the precise nature of the test, I would have considered a trip to Brazil. Let's just say that is the closest that any young Asian man has ever gotten to my crotchal region with gel and a phallic-shaped object and leave it at that. (Though he was kind of pretty for a boy.)

Favorite Melinda quote from the first test: Hey, if you see anything unusual... like you find a set of keys in there or something... let me know.

The arterial doppler, on the other hand, SUCKED! They had to put blood pressure cuffs on my legs and arms. One on each arm and about 5 on each leg. There were wires everywhere! I had to fight really hard not to crack up laughing since this is the set-up for far too many sci-fi and horror B-movies and not-so-B-movies.

Favorite Melinda quote while getting hooked up for the second test: If I wake up with a bionic leg, I'm coming after you!

Aside: Yes, Don, you would be my sidekick if I ever got a bionic leg or any other super powers or abilities (other than the ones that women already talk about at parties). Rob, you'd be my not-so-evil genius scientist/gadget-maker or costume designer, your choice. I'd recommend avoiding copper for the chestal region, considering.

Not so funny part of this test: the squeezing. At first, it wasn't so bad. Then, he did the second round of measurements and squeezed the holy fucking crap out of my thighs. That shit hurt. It's still hurting. Melinda is not a happy camper.

Thing that would've been funny if I hadn't warned the tech first: The room was a bit chilly, so my toes turned purple during the test. I shouldn't have said anything so I could pretend to freak out. I would've gotten some real laughs off that right there. Anyway, I had to soak my feet in hot water for 5 minutes so they could get a second reading of the blood flow in my toes. The tech even dried my feet for me. (No, they don't do pedicures.)

So, the test looked good. I'm apparently extremely hypersensitive to cold (duh!) but no visible blockages or clots. The pain is probably not vascular, but we'll wait to see what the doctor thinks.


Blogger sinister_n_evil said...

well... so far, so good... blue toes... interesting... at least they match your new shirt...

if you do have to go for the mri..... while you are sedated... just close your eyes and pretend that you are taking a long train ride... it works for me... and make sure that the radio works... the last two that i had... the ear phones were busted...

hang in there my mutant friend....

2:44 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

"I'm apparently extremely hypersensitive to cold"

Uh, you grew up in South Louisiana. This is a given.

Love you.

4:34 PM  
Blogger Melinda Barton said...


Last time they sedated me for an MRI, I fell asleep before they got me in the machine and was woozy for 2 days.


That would be a really fucked up thing to say if I hadn't thought that very thing! Stay out of my brain!!!!!!!!

5:19 PM  

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