The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Some People Need a Life

Rob's pics of my nunchuks brought back a memory of something he said while he was visiting, specifically that once you reach a certain level of fighting skill, no one challenges you. Oh, but if only this were true.

Back in my younger days, I lived in a really bad neighborhood where the choice was often between defending yourself or getting beaten (to hospitalization or death in some cases). To fight or not to fight was NOT the question. I became notorious early on for being able to take on any guy who dared start sh*t with me or my runt little brother or any guy I saw beating up a woman. I never started the fight, but I always finished it.

At some point, you'd think I'd be the person no one wanted to fight. Not so. I was the person every other little moron wanted to fight because beating me would mean gaining a HUGE reputation. Of course, they weren't completely stupid. Often, they came armed with baseball bats, two-by-fours, knives, etc. (If you know me personally, you've probably heard the story of how I ended up with two guns in my face at once.) Fortunately for me, I still won. The weapons just made sure I knew to end the fight quickly instead of playing around or giving the guy a chance not to look like a complete ass.

After I left that neighborhood and became a pacifist, you'd think that would've stopped. Nope. There were still men and a few women who thought challenging me to a friendly "fake" fight would be a good idea. Knowing my skill set, they still thought they could beat me and look good in front of other people. It's always in front of other people, which means they always end up humiliated, start getting mad and try to turn a fake fight into a real one.

Or occasionally, they try picking up my nunchuks to "prove" that anyone who's ever watched a Bruce Lee movie can use them. (To be fair, some people genuinely want to try to use the nunchuks out of curiosity and admit that they won't do it very well. Fortunately, I now have a padded training pair instead of my old heavy wooden set.) You can imagine that trying to swing around a deadly weapon you've never used before probably isn't a good idea. It's not. One friend went into an Army/Navy surplus store to get something, saw the nunchuks and decided to try them. After all, I do it and it looks easy, so why not? Injury and embarassment ensued. The guys at the store had to explain that anyone who can make nunchuks look easy has been using them for YEARS!

Anyway, the point is that most people really need a life. And no, I will no longer "fake" fight with you so that you can show off to your friends, girlfriend, complete strangers, etc. And it's not because I'm scared of the three-hour self defense course you took at the Y. Oh! And keep your dang hands off my weapons unless you know how to use them or are prepared to NOT be able to use them correctly! I am not responsible for you injuring your stupid self.


Blogger Robert said...

unless of course, your intent is to chew and drool upon them while listening to the interesting sound the chain makes...

10:48 AM  
Blogger Melinda said...

Lol! Yes, Charlie is welcome to my nunchuks any time. I told Rob he should get him a little baby pair. I'm tempted to buy him a uniform myself.

11:18 AM  
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