The Cult of Melinda: May 2008

Happy Birthday, Drew!

Even if you are a capitalist pig whose wife hasn't sent me any baked goods in quite a while! I'm wasting away to nothing over here! Obviously, the market doesn't work that well, because I have a demand and you're not supplying.

Out-of-Context Humor

I don't know if these things are as funny out of context as they are in context, but I'm going for it. Angela and I have been chatting again. Never a good idea as we both seem to have strange little people living inside our heads.

Moment 1: Angela insisted that Elaine Cassidy couldn't play the modified me in "my movie" b/c she's too hot to have "Melinda moments." This provoked:

Melindaism No. 387: I can be a hot Irish girl if I want to!

Moment 2: While reminiscing about the good old days, I mentioned how much I missed being able to play sports:

Melindaism No. 388: My body was a temple. Now, it's a dive bar in the French Quarter.

Melinda 3: Then we moved on to the many, many Melinda moments I've had over the years and the possible revocation of my lesbian card. I was discussing the time when I "abandoned" a beautiful Quebecoise woman on the ferry between Vancouver and Victoria Island to go get a sandwich, when Angela's attempts to rip into me were interrupted by:

Angelaism No. 563: Well, I must confess that I stopped phone sex once to eat a waffle.

Something is really flurked up about the two of us.

Nerds Are No Fun!

Me: I sometimes wonder if it would be possible to get everyone in the world to jump at the same time so we could see what would happen.

Angela: But you can't, because some people have no legs. You have to take all of the variables into account.

Yep! Angela is a spoil sport.

Salons are evil!

Every time I go to the salon, I walk out with something I didn't intend to do when I walked in. I was going for a trim. Then I planned to go back to black. I walked out with major blonde highlights and a very dyke-y hairdo. I am SO butch now. I hope the Mac likes it.

The Ultimate Proposal

A certain Captain has FINALLY proposed to the awesome Silverfox! A big "Congrats!" to them both, even if the Captain did break Man Rule #387: "Never carry out a romantic gesture so awesome that all other men look schmuck-like in comparison! We do not need our lady-folk getting ideas."

The Sitch--In Code

The "Previously Deleted" situation does not look like it's going to be resolved in time for me to decide to stay, although there is acknowledgment of the problem. The "System" seems to be slowing things down. So, anywho, I'm going to start looking for love in all the right places. The... uh... "love" market is a bit slow now so it may take a while. We'll see.

Buying New Gear

You know I had to do it! I went to the Muff Festival site and bought a T-shirt! I'm SHOCKED to know that a euro is now worth $1.60! SHOCKED! I should've bought euros when I was in Europe. Damn it!

While I was being a freak, I also put in a long delayed call to A&K Lick-A-Chick of Nova Scotia to order one of theirs. Canadians are so nice. (A&K Lick-A-Chick, if you read this, Angie deserves a raise!)

The Lesbian-est Place on Earth

Muff, Ireland in County Donegal, famous for its Muff Diving Club has to be the most lesbian place on earth. There is also an annual Muff Festival! I want to go!

My American Idol

Okay, I was pissed when they removed my Irish hottie. The accent alone was worth her getting into the finals. But I'm just kind of "Whatever, fucktards!" with the removal of Syesha Mercado:

My personal theory is that she would have gone a bit further if she hadn't sold out and given up the Sexy Hair. Sorry, but women with that 'do' elicit major droolage at my house. Those of you who went to college with me know why.

Btw, the "Sexy One" will be at my place for two glorious days and two glorious nights in June. I'm taking off work. To those who came to visit me and were left to your own devices while I worked: Sorry, but she's just worth it. Not that I don't love you and stuff. Ah Screw it! She's hotter than you. Even without the poof.

Just cuz...

I never got around to posting more of my vacation pics, but I wanted to post a stolen one from Cheri, my future mother-in-law. Okay, you can stop screaming in terror now, Cheri. I'm just joking. Anyway, here's my super adorable mini-boyfriend Mr. Smoov aka Charlie. Isn't he sooooooooo cute?

He's also now an official badass since he's taking his first steps. I demand video! Cheri? Rob? We want home movies!

Good News!

I've been added to the reviewers list for Feminist Review, so I'll be back writing soon enough. I'm sure it'll be a while before my first book comes in and I get up on the site. I'll let you know when you can head over to read my always brilliant but occasionally insane scribblings.

Don't worry, HIF. A little hardcore, radical lesbian feminism never hurt anyone. And it's not contagious as far as I know. If it were, you'd be gay by now, what with all the boob-grabbing you've done. Sorry, D.

Okay, I lied....

Just one more:

Funniest Vids EVER!

I've fallen madly in love with "Lizzy the Lezzy". Here's some of her best for your viewing enjoyment. A warning: Lizzy has a dirty mouth, which I guess you'd have to expect from a muff muncher.