The Cult of Melinda

The gAyTM is closed! No gay rights, no gay $$$!

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Because I Have NO Life

Taken from Patrick's Place.

1. Considering your political views now versus seven years ago, do you think they have changed or remained the same?

Remained the same. I still have the same stance on all of the major issues. I'm just a bit more disillusioned now that everything I predicted 7 years ago has come to pass under the Bush regime.

2. Should a president be allowed to run for a third term?

No. I once thought third terms were a good idea. After all, if he's doing a good job, why not? Now, I see why giving any one person an unlimited number of terms could lead to trouble.

3. Do you think a president would be able to accomplish more if he could only be elected to a single term?

I don't know. It would certainly keep them from using the first term as a four-year campaign for the second.

4. Take the quiz: Which political group most agrees with you?

I got "Liberal". Quelle suprise!

5. Can you imagine ever running for office?

I've thought about it, but I think it would be the rare place in America that would elect me.

6. Let’s suppose that you were a candidate, and that you found some real dirt that no one else knew about your opponent. If that candidate started a negative campaign against you, how tempted would you be to use that information?

If it was actually relevant to the office, I'd be all over it. Otherwise, I think I'd turned down the chance to go negative.


Boring is where legends go to die.

I miss my old life, before illness left me socially isolated and, to be honest, completely fucking boring. I miss hearing people scream my name when I walk in to wherever. I miss going out and having my drink waiting for me before I get to the bar. I miss not actually having to pay for my own drinks. I miss people I don't know knowing just who I am and calling to me by name as I walk down the street. I miss doing all the wild things that courage, youth and health make possible. I miss hearing, "Wow! I can't believe you did that!" I miss being able to walk in alone but not being alone by the time I sit down. I miss having crazy people come banging on my door to drag me off to do something wild or silly or just plain mundane. I miss having all the potential in the world and all the time in the world to fulfill it. I miss being able to pick which gorgeous woman would be warming my lap for the evening. I miss being the center of attention, even the times that that meant people were trying to get me to blush. I miss making out with random hot chicks and dancing surrounded by beauty. I miss being able to Lord it over the guys, who really wanted to know the secret of how I got away with everything and they got away with nothing. I miss hearing "But she's Melinda!" as if that explained everything. I miss my birthday being worthy of the bartender shutting off the jukebox so a crowded bar could pay tribute to the wonderful event of my birth. I miss having a little cartoon of me in the pages of the local lesbian magazine. I miss interviewing rock stars and having my name on the masthead. I miss being so smooth that I could say it all, do it all and hear them tell the stories afterwards. I miss not popping pills and carrying around a wrist monitor and worrying about staying warm enough but not too warm. I miss... LIFE!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Exciting News

I was checking around for tickets to visit my peeps after the New Year. Planes were out as they were a bit out of my price range. Besides, as much as I criticize this administration and as many activist organizations as I've been associated with, I wouldn't be surprised to find my self on the No-Fly List. But, while checking out the train options, I found a ticket for $120 less than the plane. So, I bought it. Money might be a little tight for a while, but I'm coming home!

I arrive in Picayune, MS on the evening of January 13 and leave January 18. So, some people better start planning a day off (or two) that week. Some people also better start planning some food for Melinda. I'm thinking fried pickles, fried white chocolate peanut butter cups, and fried cream cheese-stuffed jalapeno peppers. Let's see. We'll also need: a karaoke machine so that you can embarass yourself for my amusement; some dice for a new Privateers adventure; some Purell because I'm so touching the Nerdlet; and directions to the nearest available Laser Tag Arena. You have your orders! Move out!

Monday, November 19, 2007


If you have virgin eyes, look! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! I have Raynaud's phenomenon in addition to the Prinzmetal's syndrome. Yay for me! I get to have spasms in all of my arteries and red, white and blue hands and feet. It's like my extremities have developed some sick patriotic bullshit! And did I mention the oh so lovely cramping pains in my legs? Wonderful!

Right about now, my cardiovascular system can suck my fucking dick. And I'm not just talking about the heart. I'm talking about the whole fucking thing. The heart, arteries, veins, capillaries, ALL OF IT! My whole fucking cardiovascular system can suck my fucking dick! And not the little dick I bought because it was cute! No. No. No. The big, hulking cock with the glow in the dark alien on the side that I call Mulder. Okay, so I don't actually have any dicks, but if I did, my cardiovascular system would be sucking them right now!

Anyway, no new pills. The old ones are just what the doctor ordered, literally. But I get to watch out for a whole new set of symptoms and bundle up all nice and cozy like a fucking child every time I go outside. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Fighting to Live

My apologies if I don't post for a while or respond to your comments. I think I've hit the wall. Even now, it's a bit difficult to type with my hands shaking. It's one of those times when I have to fight death. How successful I'll be is anyone's guess. I'm grateful to the people in my support group, who are probably some of the few people in the world who can understand what it's like to live with Prinzmetals and how often those of us who suffer from it must face our own mortality. I'll be seeing the doctor Monday. Wish me luck.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Happy Birthday, RPP!

Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday to You!
Happy Birthday, Dear RPP!
Happy Birthday to You!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

More Suckage!

Having problems controlling my heart rate. Can't sleep through the night. Having cramping pains in my legs and a bit of chest pain/trouble breathing. I have to go to the doctor on Monday for a checkup. We'll see how it goes.

Monday, November 12, 2007

My Big Ol' Lesbian Wish List

I was thinking about all the women I'd convert if we really could convert women to lesbianism. So, I'm putting together a list. I'd be interested in other lesbians lists too. Like you, RPP. Who would you convert if you could?

My Not Necessarily Complete Lesbian Wish List:

1. Jennifer Beals
2. Marlee Matlin
3. Lucy Lawless
4. Renee O'Connor
5. Terry Farrell
6. Natassia Malthe
7. Eliza Dushku
8. Allison Hannigan
9. America Ferrerra
10. Sarah Shahi

The Girl-Lovin' Girls So Hot I Just Have to Rub It In List:

1. Portia de Rossi
2. Kristanna Lokken
3. Michelle Rodriguez
4. Tammy Lynn Michaels (Mrs. Etheridge)
5. Leisha Hailey
6. Alexandra Hedison
7. Karina Lombard
8. Honey Labrador
9. Guinevere Turner
10.Bitch (Interviewed her once. Accidentally hit on her mid interview. I really have to fix that thing that's supposed to stop my dirty thoughts from escaping.)

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Rob's Self-Centered Survey

Bored. So, I stole this from Rob.

1. Are you smiling? No

2. Have you ever kissed anyone who’s name started with A or M? Yes, and she liked it.

3. What is irritating you now? My back itches, which is weird because that was Rob's answer.

4. When did you last eat pizza? I have no idea. I don't eat pizza often.

where is number 5? At Lesbian Shadow Government Headquarters getting retrofitted

6. Do you have any friends who are famous? Local fame, yes. Otherwise, no.

7. Are you any good at poker? Eh.. Not really.

8. What do you want? To be able to have a girlfriend without actually having to deal with all the nonsense women come with.

9. Are you tired? Yes, I was up all night watching hot lesbians.

10. Do you love anyone? Yes, my family and friends.

11. Pepsi or Coke? Diet Coke ALWAYS

12. How many pets do you have? None.

13. Who's your #1 on your top and why? I have no idea, but I think it's Josh.

14. What annoys you the most about your closest friends? that they insist on living a thousand miles away.

15. Taco Bell or McDonald's? McDonald's

16. Last thing you said? Probably something I screamed at the TV during my hot lesbians DVD marathon.

18. How many Abercrombie shirts do you own? None.

19. How many Myspace views do you have? No idea. More than 10,000 on blogger.

20. Want to be a princess? No, I want to be the knight in shining armor.

21. Do you believe dreams come true? No.

22. Do you like Walmart? I'm with Rob on this one. root of all evil.

23. What's your biggest pet peeve? picky, judgmental people

24. What are you listening to? the sound of silence.

26. Who was the last person that told you they loved you? I have no idea.

27. What was the last thing you ate? orange chicken with vegetarian fried rice

28. What were you doing before this? Rewatching the season finale of 'the L Word'

29. What is the closest item near you that is black? keyboard

30. What is the last IM you received? I don't do IM's

32. What do you wear more, jeans or sweatpants? Jeans. Sweatpants are for fat guys.

33. Do you know how to build a fire? Yes, wilderness survival is lesson #12 at Dyke Camp

34. What is your morning routine? Wake up, get my head together, shower, take pill, check pulse and blood pressure, get dressed, brush teeth, etc.

35. Do you like Deer/Elk meat? No, but goat rocks!

36.What was the last book you read? Piety & Politics: The Right-Wing Assault on Religious Freedom

37. Favorite brand of jeans? Jeans come in brands?

38. Favorite type of pudding? butterscotch

40. Are you happy with where you are? No, happiness produces complacency

41. Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? no

42 Are you happy with yourself? I refer you to #40

43. Do you want someone you can't have? Kristanna Lokken

44. Who is your all-time favorite band? Maria Berg and the Aftermath (Maria's a very sexy/sweet but all too heterosexual friend)

45. What is your favorite breakfast food? Brueger's Rio Grande breakfast sandwich

46. Do you like the River or the Lake best? Lake.

47. What's your favorite flower? fire and ice roses

48. Hot dog or Hamburgers? Hebrew Nationals or Nathan's if I can get them

49. Have you ever had athlete's foot? No, but I had an athlete's... well, that's a story for another day.

50. What was the last thing you bought? Sodas and smokes.

51. What color is your car/truck? Don't have one

52. How many vehicles do you own? None.

55. Do you miss anyone right now? Lots of people

56. What are you looking forward to? 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving

Don't Try This At Home

Never get so into watching hot lesbians all night that you forget to take the pill that regulates your heartrate.

hot lesbians + arrythmia - the good pill = tachycardia at 6 a.m.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007


I noted quite some time ago the addition of what I thought was merely a new security feature on blogger: word verification on the create posts page. I never really paid attention to the fact that it shows up on Liberals in Exile but not here. Apparently, I'd been flagged as a "spam blog." Blogger will be investigating and hopefully getting that irritating word verification box off soon.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Avoid High Heels and Piles of Leaves

The Park Bench has "what we've learned from horror classics."

I'd like to add a few more generic lessons from classic and B-movie horror:

1. Do not run in high heels.
2. Avoid piles of leaves.
3. Do not open the door or any door for that matter.
4. Mutated monsters and alien creatures can often be killed with everyday objects, like Sodium Chloride (aka table salt) or aerosol deodorant .
5. Do not scream! That may be the only way the blind alien creature can track you.
6. Do not be a woman or a racial minority. The monsters are getting you first. Even if you survive, the military will shoot you thinking you've been "turned."
7. Bringing your hot girlfriend back to life at a secret military lab is probably not a good idea.
8. Apparently, random teenagers have access to secret military/government installations.
9. Frankenstein was really good in bed.
10. Sex with hot alien chicks is not all it's cracked up to be.

Japan: Urban Camouflage

Leave it to the Japanese to create the oddest self-defense method EVER!